Don't look away.

moved.

2009-07-25T09:12:00.000-07:00

FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW, I HAVE MOVED! (:

...because Blogger is being such an ass.

You can check me out at

http://kenleydrive.wordpress.com

to get more updates/pictures about me and my oh-so typical life.

Bye forever to Blogger.

It won't be soon before long.

2009-07-21T05:10:00.000-07:00

Blogger is being such an ass now by screwing up their template codes and making life to blog so stressing. Hell.

Shall update soon when Blogger decides to let me. Meanwhile, just telling you: Life now is full of ups and downs now. ): One moment I feel like crying, the next moment I am laughing my ass out.

What the hell, life's complicated.

this weekend.

2009-07-10T09:21:00.000-07:00

I'll be happy this weekend 'cause I want to. (:
Let me take a break, will you?

it's like black and white.

2009-07-09T00:07:00.000-07:00

My world is like the pictures above - black and white. For once, I want to live a life worth living. For once, I want to forget the past and start anew. For once, I just wanted to be me in this constricted society. For once, I want to break free. But I can't, because people around me won't let go of my past, because there are barriers in life that are stopping me - and because the past keeps haunting back. To summarize it all, it's called - Stress/Sadness.

Sometimes I would appreciate if one could just seal their lips and shut their ass about what they have to say about me, what they have to comment and laugh about. 'Cause seriously, I feel like shit after they make their nasty asshole comments right in front of my naked eye. Or even worst, some people who have no ego to stand up and say what they wanna say, backstab you. Welcome to my world, this is what I face - day after day. I don't wanna say much to them but - May karma strike you, bitch!

Don't act like a big deal/big shot if you're not, 'cause it will just turn out to be a plain disgust to me. Not only it's a disgust, but you'll be hell of an irritant to me. Because you know why? People who think they are that, are seriously naggy to the core. Not concern-naggy, but naggy-naggy. Argh, plain disgust.

So yeah, I've recently been in a very harsh/irritated mood. I don't really care who you are but once you cross my line, I'll snap you. Well, not with scissors, but with words. Sorry if I've offended you in one way or another, but I guess you deserved it - or else I wouldn't have snapped you. I am nice okay. Ask people, I don't yell and scream vulgarities in public like an idiot.

I guess some people think that I have a huge ego, but I still think that I am humble enough. Maybe you've mistaken my pride and my 'oh-so-jolly' side for that. Even though I might seem jolly and happy in life, but deep down within I am actually not. Like I said - The smiles are fake but the tears are real. I pretty much guess Sulivia knows what I am talking about. But I just can't afford to get anymore damages, and physically - I think my body is starting to fail on me. Getting weak more easily nowadays.

I want a sweet escape, like to a place happily ever after. But it seems impossible. Oh no, correction - It IS impossible! Hais, what a dread. Chatting to Suriyono now, the things he said is actually quite true. "Singaporeans only think and are concern about money", "Singapore's life is so tiring". Goodness. Why can't someone think about happiness in the first place? You can't buy happiness you know. If I've got the money but is a depressed freak, what is the use? Hais.

I want to be happy, but people keep telling me this - Study = Future = Money. WTH. They missed out the important point. I would really rather be happy, than to be so emotionally unstable like now, because it's just going to be hell torturous. Enough said, words are easier said than done.

I am stuck in my own zone, facing this crazy world. I just wish people could understand me better for who I am. Not as their son, not as their student, not as their senior, not as their whoever-they-treat-me-as. But as me, the real me - the real deal, buried underneath all the fakes. For the umpteen time, I need to wake up - and so do you.

heartfelt.

2009-07-07T02:34:00.001-07:00

Yes. How I wish I could be jumping high like that smiling so widely like how I used to. But now it seems impossible, when everything I tried to do seems like it's just another mistake. Bottom line, the smiles are fake but the tears are real. It's a hard life ahead, and I have yet to realise the mistakes that I have done till this day - but I am slowly discovering.

I felt hurt, and saddened. My dad spoke to me just now, and I was tired and emotionally unstable after a long day. Looking at my report card filled with E8'S and F9's where it used to be A's, he said: "I knew it, I didn't have confidence in you going to Express in the first place. I wonder why your school transferred you to that stream!". It felt like a knife stab through my heart and it left me laying on the floor in tears.

I just couldn't believe what he said, and as I thought back - I was just an ordinary student from EM3, who didn't believe that I could come so far. But all dreams were dashed when hopes died out. I didn't know what would come next, but I was covered with my own tears - drowned in my train of thoughts. I had enough. No one seems to recognise the work that I am putting in.

Yes, I might have changed - but why doesn't anyone understands me for the way I am? I am sick and tired of explaining myself. Sick and tired of people rebutting me with words that seemed pointless - and words that made me weaker. Words that I dread to hear. I just, had enough.

I can't think of other things to write about right now because my mind seems so empty after realising my floodgates. I shall update/edit this entry when I thought of something. I am just, dissappointed - that no one let's me have the freedom of right to speak. No one.

Not in the mood, bitch.

2009-07-02T00:20:00.000-07:00

The fact is that I am utterly not in the right mood to update right now. Okay, you can call it laziness. But hell, I am very tired. Not used to waking up early after the holidays - it's pure torture. Ergh, shall not complain.

Birthday is coming in 2 days time, I don't wanna lead a lonely birthday this year. But it seems like my friends are either busy or they don't even care. Fine, whatever. Going out with Wawa, that's for sure!

P/S: Don't talk to me if you wanna bitch about me, not in the right mood and attitude now. I need some love, someone to shower me with lots of those hearts. ):

"And if life was like that.."

2009-06-26T07:02:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of updates for the past few days/week. It has definitely been an eventful week for me, and as I am penning this down, I am experiencing mixed feelings and encountering different emotions that is trying to erupt. Was suppose to take part in a competition tomorrow with UDC, but due to some circumstances (which is my fault), I can't take part.

So, with that, school is reopening in 2 days time. I am honestly not prepared physically and mentally. It's like as if I could freak out on the first day of school. Ohwells, I really have to start working hard and and flick those F's away and get back my A's. I need them. With that, I have to put dance to a halt to concentrate on my studies. It's not just only me, but many crewmates are also taking a break after tomorrow.

I wonder if some people look at me and treat me differently because of who I really am. I'll leave you here with one of our recent performance video, don't really have the spark and energy to blog now. Some news are just devastating enought to send shockwaves.

..and last note, listen to 'Brave' by Jennifer Lopez. It just gives me this feeling, to get up on my feet again. I need someone to catch me when I fall. ):

"I make sacrifices and work hard to strive for the best. I just wish you would understand. But now it all has to end."

Bitches put me on fire!

2009-06-20T07:59:00.000-07:00

Holidays, it's definitely more relaxing and less intensive now. Which means that I can catch up on my rest, like finally. Have been waking up late like at 1pm if I have nothing on for the day, thanks to all the late-nights conversations over MSN. (: Have been surviving all these while at home watching Grey's Anatomy and lying on the coach munching chips and ice-cream. Hell, I wish everyday could be like that! *Wishes that the holidays get extended!*

Since Halim is away to Malaysia and can't make it back on time for the upcoming show, I am replacing him last minute. Last minute huh? I was suppose to be on break after Breathe, but yeah - last minute callings and changes. Gotta admit that it is fun working with new people, especially when they are such a hyper and unique bunch of people! (:

On a random and side note, I want to finish my maths homework! But UG Camp is like this coming week, and school reopens the week after! ): Hell, thats why I have been praying for the holidays to get extended! I just starting to get use to the late-nights and free time! Ohwells.

I am going to Ikea tomorrow with Sister for meatballs! Have been craving for it since, few days back? (: It's damn nice I tell you. Oh and I just gobbled down an upsized Mac's meal. Bloated like hell, this is so going to make me fat la please. =P Random again, but I have to like go to school on my birthday, for an Adventure Day! Sounds fun. (:

I just don't understand why there are people like you in the society. Oh please, shoot it right into my face - what's with all the beating around the bush? Hell you know. Personally, I don't need people like you to judge me, and I don't need people like you around to bring me down. Hello, I do what I want - I do what I like. None of your business what, right? I don't see that you have a good reason please. More of like, you're a bitch and a bloody friggin' whore and rundown slut whom doesn't have any attention and is just plain jealous. You're just depending on someone else to bring you the attention lor please. OH PLEASE. Your face and your words just simply makes me puke out my breakfast, lunch and dinner! You're disgusting lah, and I don't like you. Idiots with no life, HA-HA. Now take that bitch, I am bolding this for you to see. Straight in the face! Had enough, seriously. Who do you think you are? Nobody.

Okay, done here. Bitches don't turn me on, they put me on fire! Need to get some rest, while I believe you are bitchtalking about me. Drag you to hell la bitch! Nights to all the other nice people! (: I miss 30T, and UDC - Much loves. Toodles!

Wasn't good afterall.

2009-06-14T06:46:00.000-07:00

5.20pm. The time today that I felt so relieved and a free child yet again. Being locked up in a old campsite in Sembawang for 2 days was bad enough, I still had to tolerate and go through the long hours of leadership lecture that are boring like hell. Goodness, I am glad I survived - and I am glad that it's over.

Was a total loner for most of the time during camp, was assigned to a group of strangers while my other mates were in other group. Managed to talk and get to meet some people along the way, like my squad mates. But still, I was still a loner. ): Living in a bunk of total strangers. What the hell, I hate such camp. Everyone was nagging and shouting: "I wanna go home! ):" And yes, I wanted to go home too.

Food was bad, but sleep was good. Thank god there were no crisis in the middle of the night, I would just die if there was one. Hell to the core, I needed the sleep. It was so tiring and mind-draining. ): So that explains why I should be leaving here now to catch up on my sleep! Hell, I feel tired. Camp wasn't that good and fun afterall. ): Update soon.

P/S: Thanks Nicholas for cabbing us out of Sembawang instead of having to wait for the damn bus!

Awayyyy.

2009-06-12T05:54:00.001-07:00

Some people are born with talents naturally, but some people work hard and strive to achieve in what they do best. But no matter what, we are still unique individuals - one of a kind. We should stand in this world with our own image towards how people look upon us. Nobody can stop you from what you love doing except yourself, and nobody can change your decision or whatsoever. People who come in your way, can just - get to hell.

I am going for camp tomorrow! ): For 2 days, be back on Sunday evening. Kinda dread this, I really pray it isn't going to be as tough like some boot camp! OMG, what a perk. Best part is that I have to wake up early tomorrow morning and report at 8.30am in my full-uniform! There's inspection! ): I VERY SCARED. PLEASE DON'T BE SO STRICT! ): Pray to God man!

And to the rest, don't miss meeeee! Will be back soon. I am very tireddd.

Update soon. (:

2009-06-06T23:23:00.000-07:00

Totally loving that picture above! Nice pose. Nice shot. Nice editing. OMG, I can't wait to get the rest! Hakim is still editing them! Thanks to Danny for helping us shoot, even though it was quite some time back! (: Ahhh, in love with the photoshoot! (:

Yeah, I know I have been missing and haven't been updating for a while. Busy with stuff. Will update again once I get all the pictures of the event! Alright? Promise. (: For now, toodlesss! =P

Goodbye Singapore! Hello Bangkok! (:

2009-05-31T15:44:00.001-07:00

Currently at the airport. Just checked-in, waiting for boarding. Goodness, it's so early in the morning and it's freezing cold in here. Flying on Thai Airway! My first time up in that airline. Hahaha, looking forward for the plane food though! (:

I will be sure to miss my lappy! My life depends on the net! =P Currently using the airport's computer and wireless service. Hahaha. Anyway, since I still got some time, shall do a brief update on Breathe that happened two days ago.

Well, in my opinion, we did well. We did our best and tried our hardest! So yeah, it doesn't matter if we win or lose, but like what Abg Isaac says - it's the exposure that matters. I was really touched that so many people came down to show their support to us, and the roar and cheer was just so - heartwarming. Love you guys and thanks for coming to support! (:

It was my last performance before I take a break, my last day together with Yanie. So yeah, don't worry - I'll still drop by practice to visit. But now I guess I have other things to worry about. And and and, I won't be giving up on dance just like that. I will be back as soon as I can. (:

Omg, it's still so freaking cold in here. Watched our performance video, and gosh - I think we blend in to the stage just right. & I want pictures, from whoever that took my picture from the front row. This one malay guy sitting next to a chinese guy who is sitting next to a girl! =P

Pretty much nothing else to update, end of here. Need to board the plane soon, at 7am. Till here tha, take care people. Will definitely miss the net and people! Toodles! (:

P/S: Will find souvenirs for people.

P/S/S: Sister is using the computer right in front of me and she looks so _________. HAHAHA.

P/S/S/S: Hi-5 just played on the television. -__________-

Bangkok!

2009-05-31T13:34:00.000-07:00

Before I leave, here's a little something before I go. =P

Enjoy! 30T Crew @ Breathe. Flying to Bangkok, Thailand in about 3 hours time. Be back on Wednesday evening. Love and misses you people! (: Muacks.

Post-examination.

2009-05-28T08:26:00.000-07:00

"Because I don't wanna go to bed."

You may call this the worst post-examination week I ever had. Goodness golly me. I had to drag myself out of bed every morning to prepare for school, which was absolutely and hilariously boring. Hell, it was a bad feeling. People say post-examination's are always the most hyper and and most enjoyable part in your secondary school life. Oh well, for me - it's so not. What's my class routine for post-examination activity? Some boring talks or lecture in the morning and Additional Maths lesson after recess till the end of the day. How great.

Snow City tomorrow. Please make it a blast, and hopefully change my view towards what's stated above. Thank goodness, I finally remembered that tomorrow is the last day of school! Holiday. Sleep. Late-night chats. OMG. Super can't wait. I want to visit museums and go for musicals this holiday, any takers? Yes, I just find them so interesting all of a sudden. Singapore Discovery Centre, very curious to head there. OMG. Hell, I need the holidays.

Just so you know, parentals called me a few days ago while I was at lesson and they said this:

Dad: Hello, where are you?
Me: School la! I am having lessons now lur!
Dad: Oh okay. Anyway, please reserve yourself on the 1st, 2nd and 3rd of June and that you cannot commit yourself on these days because WE'RE GOING TO BANGKOK! (Obviously being hyper and all excited himself!)
Me: Er, okay. Bye!

Ya, I just went with the flow. So yeah, since my parents decided to go as a family, then I shall just tag along and do some shopping. In need of new additions in my wardrobe and expand it. Speaking about shopping, I just realised hours ago that I am soon-to-be a begger. Left with my final 50 bucks, and 10 bucks just went into investing a black sleeveless tee from Hush Puppies. Damnit. More bucks needed to get my Dickies tomorrow. Hell. Money money come to me. =P

AND YEAH! BEFORE I FORGET! Modern Dance will be performing for Special Olympics Game Singapore Opening Ceremony next Friday at Yishun Stadium! Woohoo! So exciting. All of a sudden I have to many shows to perform at. Hell, this is sick. But still am loving it. (: It's my passion people, so yeah.

It's 11.39pm and I am done here. Back to reading my Chicken Soup. Good book, get their series. (: Toodles.

For supergirl. ♥

2009-05-22T09:02:00.000-07:00

Miss that girl up there. Hope you're doing fine, and please don't do foolish things alright. I'll take care of myself, and you must too. Take things easy even though I know it's hard. Text me if you need anything okay? Much loves. ♥

Tough and challenging week. One of the most demanding and upsetting weeks ever I experienced. Enrolment Service tomorrow, rehearsal today kinda sucked a little. I need to wake up at 3am to start polishing. How unfair can my life be? Church on Sunday, can't wait. Misses a lot of people, the usual bunch. Love you all. ♥

Misses. ♥

2009-05-21T07:32:00.001-07:00

I miss a lot of people now, miss being around those bubbly people that never fails to brighten my days. I miss Abg Isaac. I miss Kak Z. I miss Kak Siti. I miss Abg Fadh. I miss Hakim Twin. I miss Halim. I miss Amira. I miss Wawa. I miss Yanie. I miss Syazwan. I miss Totot. I miss them a lot. ♥

It has been hell of a week, I need to head to Church this Sunday. I need to hear God's word. I need to get rid of the pain, and slowly climb the flight of stairs. Someone save me from my greatest agony and fear, because I am still here. I want someone who is willing to share and spare me some love and warmth. Because I am seriously in need of that. Someone please just come into my life and light up my world and bring a smile onto my face.

Kris Allen is playing on my playlist. His song's are damn good, love them. They just keep me constantly thinking. No boundaries. 30T, meet up soon alright. I don't know when, but ya. I want to meet you guys la. ): Hope that you guys are doing well there. Don't worry about me - I will be fine.

Till here, I need to let go and start breathing. I need to survive. ):

For as long as you know. ♥

2009-05-20T18:29:00.000-07:00

30th May, it was suppose to be one of my biggest day in life. It was suppose to be a day where I show the world what I could really do. But now, it just turned into another ordinary day for me. But I believe that 30T Crew can still do it and pull it off without me, you guys have Abg Fadh to replace me - and without a doubt I am sure he can do it. You know I love you guys right. ♥

To Abg Isaac & Kak Z: I am taking a step back from the crew now. I shall treat this as my break, but I don't know when it will end. Not saying that I am dope or anything that I decided to take a step back from the crew, but things have happened. My life has changed and I am in such horrid state now. Without you guys, I won't have been who I am right now. I would never forget the both of you, never. Abg Isaac & Kak Z, because the both of you have given me so much along the way - all the care and love that I needed. The both of you were like my eldest siblings. Without Abg and Kakak, there won't be me today - the me today is the work that the both of them have done. I love you Abg Isaac and Kak Z, very much. ♥

To Abg Fadh & Kak Siti: Thank you so much for everything you guys have done for me. I have always treated you like my real elder sibling. You have changed my life in various forms, and I have never regretted knowing you. Thank you for making me a better and stronger dancer along the way, and thank you for comforting me down and standing by me in times of darkness. I can never say enough 'thank you' to the both of you, because really, you guys have been such a warming soul towards me. I know that the both of you would do me proud and make the team stronger. I love you guys. ♥

Hakim: Twin! Even though I am not there anymore, I am still your twin okay! (: Don't let your troubles haunt you alright? Everytime when you feel down, try to take it positively because every breakdown and sadness you take in, will only make you stronger day after day. You know you can always still talk to me over MSN or on the phone, even though I am physically not there. I know that you can pull through all the hardships because you are strong enough. You have been such a understanding and caring soul towards me at times, and I really appreciate your presence all the time. Take care twin, remember that I will be somewhere else, but you can always contact me. ♥

Halim: My bestest pal for the past 2 and the half years. I guess that you understand me the best. Never give up alright? I know it has also been a difficult time for you, but I know you can pull everything off wonderfully in the end. I know you can, and I trust that you can. Persevere okay? You know that I will always be behind you to support you. Have fate in yourself, and show the others that being a plus-size is nothing. You have been such a nice friend and listening ear for me, and I know that you will go far one day. Love you very much. ♥

Amira, Yanie, Wawa, Totot & Syazwan: All my remaining darlings in 30T. Thanks for comforting me whenever I am feeling down and understanding my situation. You guys would be greatly missed by me. Thanks for letting me share my problems with you guys and I truly miss the fun times we had together during practice. Till we meet again, ♥.

I won't get the chance to shine next Saturday. I am gone for now, for as long as I know. I would be back one day, one fine day. But you would never know when. You might lose a member in your team, but always keep in mind that you have never lost a brother. I am still here, you are still my family. Without you guys, I won't have the reasons to live anymore. Everyone is greatly loved and missed by me. 9 days left to Breathe, you guys got a lot to do. Good luck people, and make me proud. ♥

I have never wanted all these to happen. ):

Changed.

2009-05-19T04:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I am left with no other way in life, I start wondering and roaming around this chaotic world - filled with souls of different colours. My life hit the lowest point right now, it hit rock bottom within just one night - one eventful night where voices could be heard from far away and feelings still kept deep within. I am just speechless towards whatever that has just happened.

I lost everything. I lost my freedom. I lost my rights to speak. I lost the things that I wanted to do. Easy enough to say, I am being controlled like a puppet and has a sucked-up curfew of 3pm. Yes, 3pm. I can't possibly do anything at all now. It's like, I have to go straight home after school and that sucks - BIG TIME. I can't go for practices and my next competition is like, next Saturday? Goodness. I really feel upset. Very. I can't do anything now, so what is there for me to do in this world? I am very depressed.

I know it's partly my fault cause all this happened, but yeah - I did it because I needed to and because I know where I am getting myself to. This is how far I went, but it hit back onto the ground upon your words last night. I am not going to communicate with you, nor dad, because I don't feel like there's a need to. Because of your decision, I missed my opportunity to perform for the president - I missed this once in a lifetime opportunity. You happy now? Now I am not going to succeed in anything I do because you are just being too, overprotective.

I won't runaway from home, I'll just die. Cause I don't feel like there's a need for me to play hide-and-seek with you. I just might as well end it before you know it. By than, just don't regret what you have done to me. Because seriously, all that you are doing now is just slowly driving me nuts, and slowly I am going to have another breakdown. I hate this part right here.

I don't feel like there's a need to continue anymore. I just wished that you would let me finish up this competition before letting me move on. Just this one final chance to perform with my team, can't you? If you can't, I seriously got nothing to say anymore. ):

Busy busy. ):

2009-05-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

Happy? I took the effort to actually open up this blog again! =P But still, private stuff goes to my private blog - so do still check out regularly! I am just plain busy nowadays that I am seriously not getting enough rest. It's like, school and then head for dance practice than home. ): Very tired, but still have to bear with it.

Preparing for two upcoming events. Firstly, Breathe - which I totally forgot is like next week. Goodness, we need to settle everything by this week. Very busy week and not much time left for us to get the things done. So yeah, let's hurry people! (: We can do it babes!

Another event is in July, but we are already starting to prepare. The elite's of 30T Crew is doing a collaboration with 3 Fhunkie Stylers to put up a dance for the president and his member of parliment. I know it's big, so yeah! Can't afford to screw this up, and the organizer is coming to watch our routine tomorrow! Scary, I still need to brush up on my steps.

I am so scared for Breathe. Everything seems to last minute, I just hope that time doesn't run out. People oh people, I just can't wait. Please do come and support yeah? It's at Plaza Singapura on 30th May at 2pm! (: 30T CREW! Let's blast the stage people! =P

Till here, very tired. Waiting for Halim to send me remixes. ): I want to sleep, but I can't. Mr. Z ):

It has to end tonight.

2008-04-03T04:25:00.000-07:00

I seriously can't take it anymore, and the fact is that - I am not mentally and physically stable. I even forgotten that I passed out a few months ago and am still on daily medications. I totally forgot, because I was too held out with my situations. What's even worst is that, I can't even remember when is my next appointment with my doctor, I don't even know where and when I misplaced my appointment card. Hais, I really feel upset.

The fact that I am trying so hard to satisfy everyone's need, I am not going to lie on this - but it's really hard and really upsetting. I wondered to myself, have anyone else spared a thought about me? Have anyone else let me verbally and physically expressed out my feeling? I haven't been coping well for the past few months honestly, and I have hurt and upset myself many times. But the people that I cannot upset are those that put in so much for me, and those that have helped me out through this struggling period of time.

I decided to release my floodgates after Maths Paper 2 yesterday morning after writing a short and simple note to my teacher at the end of my examination script:

"Ms Lin, I have tried my best. I am sorry. ):"

And I cried all the way, and cried and cried in the bus, and cried till I reached Causeway Point. I just felt like I have let down so many people - saddened so many individuals. I just feel bad, because it just ain't the usual me to do that.

To my crew, the love of my life: You know that I love you guys very much, and that nothing in the world beats being with you guys and spending time with you all. Sometimes, I know what I did and what I do is foolish, but I just can't help it? I get overdose, cause I don't want to take so much. I break down in tears because I felt like I had no way else to go. But thank God for all of you, someone picked me up in my darkest days.

I am sorry if I have disappointed you guys in anyway, and I am sorry if I have been rude or negative towards you guys for the past months. I am sorry, deeply sorry if you had to tolerate with my nonsense. But I just wasn't being me I guess, I just felt like, I was abnormal. Hakim Twin, I don't know if you're still angry with me and the rest after what happened yesterday, but I really need to talk to you. I know you yourself are having problems and that I am not there to listen to your stories, but I guess you are the only one I could turn to? Who might actually understand how I really feel. I am sorry. ):

I know there are many out there that hate me. I know I am sadden enough, and that what I am about to do is just gonna hurt me and sadden me even more. But I am ready to face all consequences now, because it will sooner or later come after me.

It was me, and it's got nothing to do with my crew. Don't hate them, hate me. I am the one that's to be blame for what has happened that caused such a chaotic scene. Yes, I am the fake one, or whatever you guys want to call me. Yeah I am bitch, and I really seriously don't matter what people call me anymore. And yeah, maybe I am a 'plain loser with a brain that does not even function'. Maybe I am just that.

After all this, I don't want to gain your sympathy or anything. I just want to take a chance to apologies for what has happened. I have never mean to do such a stuff, you can say that it was a wrong move. Foolish enough of me to do such a thing, if you ask me. I know, but it was just at a point of unconcious thinking. But I mean, everyone makes mistake and everyone has a point of time in life that faces such difficulties. I can stand up and say that, I had enough. Seriously. I know you guys hate me, I read it all. On your blogs, on the tagboards, on your plurks. I read it all, and yes, I know that I deserved it all.

I just want to sincerely and deeply apologies for whatever hurt and damage I have done that has caused you guys to be so angry or anything, I didn't mean that to happen. I sincerely take back my words and what I've said and comment about you, and that you should know that all those are fake and are just words or foolishness and mistake at that point of time. I hope that you and the rest would not take it too harshly anymore, but I just hope that times would be better at your side and that you would have cleared all your doubts. Now you guys can go blog about it, and say whatever you want about it, I'll absorb in whatever you have say.

Life's a bitch, I know. But I don't know why all this had to happen to me. Sometimes I just closed my eyes, and imagine. I am just sorry, but I really don't need any agony and sadness within me. I had enough and I am letting go, bursting in different emotions. I want the old me back, I want it. All this filthy shit, is just someone else. For the umpteen, I had enough. ):